Let me just say this at the beginning. Every tiny yet wonderful thing she does more than makes up for any feelings I feel of not having much fun. I laugh and smile more every day than I ever did before.
But im still allowed to miss the before. The thing about beforeness is that life was easy, carefree, you can do what you want when you want. With a baby there are serious limitations on what you can do, how far you can travel, what time you will get there, how much attention you can give to anything other than the baby.
So it baffles me that most women go out of their way to decide and plan to have a baby. I wonder how much they consider the fact that what they are really choosing is a complete change to life as they know it. Life is now a cycle of feeding, laundry, nappies and baby talk. It's really boring. Like down grading from an awesome all night party to an OAP tea party. If you're leaving the party at the end of the night coz it's getting lame, then fair enough, but to be dragged out when you're busy dancing on tables, that's going to breed a bit of resentment. And that's something that no one ever tells you.
Yes in a general sense I am in tune with the universe, I have a purpose in life and the most amazing and important relationship to another living thing, I wish everyone could know what that is like. But with all great things I think you pay for it, the price may be a bargain really considering what you get in return, but it's still there, and maybe I didn't quite budget for that change (maybe none of us do?).