Monday, 17 March 2014

Still on the breadline

We found out yesterday that we are not entitled to any benefits. This is sort of a good thing as I really don't want to be on benefits but I also don't want to be poor and working hard just to survive and end up with nothing left over. Which is essentially what we are doing. Surviving on £600 per week to pay for all rent, bills, childcare, travel and food, which is soon to decrease to £400 when R's contract ends (although eliminating childcare costs because Daddy Daycare is free).

So the idea of having no money (despite working!) is depressing. Hence I'm trying to figure out how to earn more money. Especially as now my job may be on the line too, great. For the first time ever I let Boo watch CBeebies, so I could finish a job application. The distraction of 20 minutes was perfect, thank you In The Night Garden, although this may turn into a curse later on...

Wednesday, 12 March 2014

This is so much harder...

Having a child is so much harder than I though it would be. Not that I really thought about it much anyway, during my pregnancy bubble of love, or through my life bubble of 'me me me'. Running around after a toddler was something that I sometimes saw other people doing, or vaguely over heard them complain about. Youth and the freedom to ignore. Those were blissful times...

So now it's my turn to do the running and I know, having a newborn is hard, but compared to a 14 month old, newborns are a breezy summer day.

People keep saying 'oh now the baby days are over and you're used to it, its so much easier!' Ummmmm, no. My energy reserves are all gone and I find I have to drink most nights just to stay sane. I never finish a conversation, or my lunch, my clothes are always smeared with snot, my blog is depleted of photos now because I don't get the chance to take them, I have barely any social life left and I'm rubbish at making 'other mummy friends'. I am constantly being whined at, my possessions are fair game, every day must be strictly planned, and every night comes with broken sleep.

I know that in a few weeks things will get better, when the tooth comes through, when she starts walking, when we get over this wave. So I can breathe before the next one starts. No wonder we have to go through labour - that's the easy bit. Every contraction is a sign of the pain and struggle that awaits us for years to come.

No photo, no time.