Sunday, 31 March 2013

The Proverbial Career

So it's nearly a decade (!) since I left full time compulsory education (if you include A levels). And this year I have a baby. Following society logic I should have by now managed to establish my place in the world, build a career from which I can take maternity leave, shop for a house, meet and marry the 'one'. I wasn't one of those girls whose 'career choice after school is instantaneous pregnancy'. I got good grades, I pass myself off as 'middle class', so one presumes I've made the choice to be a career woman before settling down. Once again I fall in between the cracks of society's clearly laid out and labelled benchmarks.

It seems to me that in a country where women (supposedly) are equals and have choices and careers, we're still only given a handful of acceptable choices. Unfortunately abortions rank quite highly, because to have a baby, to switch lanes, confuses people, it has confused me too.

Luckily I am quite used to embracing confusion, falling down cracks and being placed in square holes when there's a shortage of round ones. Does that even make sense? Probably not, so maybe I have made my point. The career will just have to wait.

Thursday, 28 March 2013


I've been wondering what my life would be like if I hadn't given up on all the things I started and gave up on. Maybe...

I would have a lot of hand knitted scarves
I would play the violin
And tennis
And judo
I would be a ballerina
A music videos dancer
A sailor
I would be in a rock girl band
I would have stayed in Australia
Ran the Paris Marathon
I would be a magazine editor
Maker of a lot more short films
An author
A closer friend.

Just as I'm making this list in my head, mulling over my failings and inability to stick at anything, to see things through and not give up, I come across Her. She is awake and in the moment. That is at least one thing I can put on my Accomplished list and it's a pretty spectacular entry, given the odds and peer drop out rates. Oh and here's a scarf that I am definitely almost about to finish.

Take This Waltz

This is my favourite type of indie film, filled with saturated colours and focus pulling, featuring a kooky, troubled girl, trippy dialogue, folksy soundtrack, a couple of fairground rides and unstraight forward romances. Perfect perfect perfect.

Im watching Michelle Williams play out complex emotional needs and inject bizarreness into mundane events, and feeling the enormity and futility of human existence. And I look down and there's my Boo, happily feeding away, all her needs are met and her life is simple.

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

Bouldering and Botox

It's definitely a good thing to maintain friendships with people who dont have kids. I want to stay grounded, not let my personality and social life be obliterated by an army of travel systems and laundry cycles. Yes, I really must fight back. The problem is I'm a little apprehensive about going bouldering (sure I'll just strap my baby to a carabiner?). And I have nothing to contribute on the subject of my friend's recently botoxed face, at the age of 27. I'm more interested in reconstructive surgery somewhere Else.

Probably at some point I will start to care about these Other things and it will be good for me. Right now though I just want to gaze in wonderment at this lovely little thing I created and I can't understand why everyone else can't understand that.

Thursday, 7 March 2013 one

Birthing room with a view


and later that day:

Granny was the first visitor

Learning to love bunnies from day one

Mummy and Daddy want to take you home